Something In The Beer…

Class Action Law Suit Against Bud Light For Turning Straight Men Gay

By Braxton Hicks

America’s largest beer distributor has been accused of pushing a hidden agenda for months, but does it go deeper than we think? Chad and Brad from Knoxville, Tennessee certainly believe so. The two completely heterosexual men are filing a class action lawsuit following an intimate moment they shared after a night of pounding Bud Lights.

“There’s just no other explanation for what happened,” said the plaintiff Chad Baker. “First we were watching the game just having a great time laughing and jump hugging and gazing into each others eyes, and then when I asked Brad to pass me a Bud Light he made a joke asking if I was gay or something. Next thing I knew we were passionately wrapped in each others arms laying in the floor of the shower.” The plaintiffs are expecting hundreds if not thousands to sign onto what they call the class action lawsuit of the century.

Jokes have been flying since America’s most popular beer brand came out as gay. From videos of men deep throating Bud Light bottles to the revival of the term “butt-chugging,” people all over the country have been getting a good laugh about how gay it is to drink Bud Light. But for these two young men and likely countless others, it’s not funny anymore.

“This would never have happened if we were drinking High Lifes or Ultras. I never would have smashed Chad if it hadn’t been for all the Bud Lights,” said Brad Jackson. “I know there’s countless other guys out there who also have fallen victim to the lifestyle pushed onto us by Bud Light. Ever since word got out about me and Chad, there have been dozens of guys come up to me around campus and tell me that they had something similar happen and to call them at any time day or night if I need them. There’s a whole community of straight guys who have been affected by this and they’re really supportive.”

“I definitely never would have smashed Chad if it hadn’t been for all the Bud Lights.”

-Brad
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